Minister of Health Roger Capella is once again trying to confuse us, but I will not let him do it, that is what the Devil is here for. So here is the complete explanation, by placing all of you in the right frame of reference to understand it:
Minister Capella may sound confusing, but he is not. It is not easy when you are a medical doctor and spend your whole life removing varicose veins from lady’s legs in an enterprise more akin to a fast food outlet than the medical profession. It is quite lucrative, but you know, one varicose vein looks exactly like the next one, so after a 145,323 legs at 50 bucks a pop, you sort of get frustrated, and you have little purpose in life. It is sooo boring.
Then you are in your fifties, you are a nobody and you meet this charismatic guy who is running for President and you think maybe he can name you Director to some regional health office where you’ll do nothing and collect the salary, while you can hire a nurse to do your job and keep collecting the $25 bucks or is it $50? I forgot. You know beans about politics or health care, but it’s like one step towards retirement and you can make more money.
Then one day you realize that somehow all those competent people that run the Ministry are resigning, you don’t understand it well, and why would they abandon the process, this beautiful revolution? Everything is so cool in the revolution, people say hello to you, they invite you to parties and sometimes they even ask for your opinion. And you love the 18 year old Scotch. Of course, I try to keep quiet, since I know little about what they are asking. The best part however, is that you don’t have to stare at ugly varicose legs and see the blood and all that.
One day you hop on your car because they called you from Caracas, you hope the meeting will be brief, maybe catch a meal at one of those good Caracas Restaurants, before going back. You get to the Ministry; you are flabbergasted; they want me to be Vice-Minister! Imagine, you will have a car, move to Caracas and you will be important. Thanks God there is a Minister, you won’t have to talk to the press about things you know little about, like hospitals or healthcare, they will never ask about varicose veins anyway, which is all you really remember from med school. You don’t care about them; it’s just a way to make a living.
Finally, one fateful and horrendous day, you are having fun, banquet at the Palace and the charismatic guy, who no longer seems like he knows what he is doing, he approaches you and tells you the Minister is leaving, you think the dream is over, you will leave with her, when the President tells you that you are “it”. Like you are the man, the new Minister! Before you can say no, the President turns around and you are “it”, the brand new Minister of Health. Thanks God you have Directors to do the job, since you know little about healthcare. You just hope reporters will not ask too many questions.
Jesus! Here they come again to confuse me, the stupid Director of that Hospital fired a bunch of people for signing against the President and everyone wants to ask questions about why. Then you tell the reporters that if these people worked for the CIA they would be fired, they are terrorists. CIA? Oh shit! I said NASA, not CIA. I don’t even remember what NASA does. I am sure the gringos would fire them anyway.
I wake up early in the morning, the VP is calling asking me why the Hell I said such a stupid thing. He tells me I have to fire them, but not admit that I did it. I actually have to deny it. If we all say that, JV tells me, then it will become the truth. Happens all the time. Just watch, the VP says.
I go out and tell reporters that they misunderstood what I said; your words were taken out of context and tell them that it is those that conspire than cant keep their jobs. Shoot! The VP calls again so you go out, wow! Look how many reporters are here now! I tell them I am a nice guy, they go away, I am not sure what all I said, and this is very confusing.
I go to Maracaibo two days later and that stupid gringo named Shapiro says on the radio that at NASA, or was it the CIA? they would not fire anybody for political reasons. They fire their baseball managers all the time, I am a Mets fan, I know. They expect me to believe this. Glad I am here now, in Maracaibo, nobody knows about what I said in Caracas. It was private anyway.
Oh boy! First thing they ask is about the stupid firings again. How did they find out? This is very confusing, I tell them I will not retract, the terrorists, the violent and the conspirators will indeed be fired. I better switch topics. I start telling them about our good Cuban friends, the Doctors that came to fill the space the stupid Venezuelan Doctors did not want to occupy. I tell them the problem is that there are no General practitioners in Venezuela, so we need to train them. I tell them we need Doctors with mystique. Maybe a Graduate program for GP’s, that sounds good, no?. God, I hope they don’t know about my varicose past. Maybe I should just resign, this is getting more confusing everyday.