Diary of a Kamikaze by Laureano Marquez

April 28, 2006

Laureano Marquez makes fun of Chavez threat to burn the oil fields in todays Tal Cual with his usual keen sense of humor:

Diary of a Kamikaze by Laureano Marquez

Day ONE: The invasion is imminent. Training begins tomorrow. The buddies have organized a farewell party.

The party was truly good.

We danced until late hours of the night and hit the drinks hard to prepare are souls for the destiny awaiting us.

The boss guaranteed that in the afterlife the party will continue and then we will have ten unopened bottles of 18 year old Scotch each. At the end of the meeting, Yefelson, John Fisyerald, Washinton Rodriguez and myself burned the US flag to get our attitude ready.

Day TWO: Today we did not go to training.

Day THREE: Today we took matters seriously.

We had a problem with the clothing because the co-op that makes the endogenous vests in which we were going to place the explosives stole the money and did not make them. The commander of the squadron says it does not matter that we can tie the sticks with masking tape directly on our bellies and we can put on a poncho from the Andes so as not to be noticed. The problem is that I have to do the El Palito refinery and I am not going to get into that heat bath with an Andean poncho on.

Day FOUR: The explosives technicians have yet to bring us the sticks. In any case, today we did a general practice run and we cut a number of brooms stocks, which we cut into little sticks to simulate the stuff. The feeling was truly uncomfortable.

Day FIVE: At last the explosives arrived (among them many Bin Ladens) withthe ponchos

Because the gringos should only find ashes we started burning the country with forest fires taking advantage of the heat wave.

Day SIX: Today we had a false alarm of the invasion because a pigeon activated the anti-aircraft system. We almost burned the oil fields.

Thanks God that most of us overslept and that for the few that did go, the explosives did not work.

Day SEVEN:The time is comingthey will bite the dust in defeat. The whole team is ready and operative, but we have had three days with no food in the camp. We did not meet today. If we get no food tomorrow, we are going to block the access to the oil wells and if they throw the Guard at us, we are going to use the explosives and apply to them the Plan “Leveled Earth”. I am starting to believe that the National Guard is controlled by the CIA.

Day EIGHT:Today they brought us hamburgers from McDonalds. they were really good.

We are staring to think that even if they blow up the oil wells, the McDonald’s should remain standing. Since we had little else to do, after eating, we played sandlot baseball.

Day NINE: Since it does not look like the gringos will arrive today, we went to the river to make a fish stew. Just in case, we took all the equipment. The Governor of Miranda arrived in a surprise visit and Yefelson almost blew him up, because he thought he was a gringo with his blue eyes.

Thanks God he was eating and he does not let a plate of fish stew out of hid hands even for the homeland.

Day TEN: Today is the day. We went to the beach to wait for them. We were there until ten A.M. and they did not come. I think they are now afraid of us, because they saw us via satellite and they thought we were serious about the whole thing. I am glad we brought the dominoes and a cooler full of beers to kill time, which is also a gringo invention.

One Response to “Diary of a Kamikaze by Laureano Marquez”


  1. what a great post, i love to read it.


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